I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize