Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
True strength comes from lack of pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize