i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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