An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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