In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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