Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize