You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I did not marry a roomba.
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