I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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