He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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