im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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