During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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