I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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