Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize