Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize