meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize