I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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