I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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