not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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