A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
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nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize