nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i came on her dog
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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