Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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