I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize