seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize