I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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