very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize