I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
worst night to have a conscience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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