Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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