You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize