NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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