I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize