the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize