Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize