Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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