I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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