From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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