So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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