He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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