I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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