I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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