I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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