He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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