from now on my penis is your penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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