I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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