At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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