so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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