Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize