I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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