dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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