His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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