If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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