Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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